Many warning signs from the abuser were given as early as the third date; but they were ignored.
(VBMedia News) — Nearly 3 in 10 women (29%) and 1 in 10 men (10%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by a partner in the United States according to the staggering statics provided by The National Domestic Violence Hotline(http://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/).
Publicist, Veronica B. interviewed a victim of domestic violence who clearly ignored the signs. She preferred to remain anonymous; so we named her “Ruby”. Her story of is nothing short of healing and forgiveness.
Veronica B: Tell me a little about your upbringing.
Ruby: I grew up in a loving, christian home. My mom was raised Baptist; my father Catholic. I have strayed so far from God in my behavior many times - over my lifetime, but I can never put in words how thankful I am to have been raised in a home where I learned to know God; how I can turn to Him and be forgiven no matter what I have done.
Veronica B: How was the relationship in the beginning and were there any signs of abuse?
Ruby: The first two weeks were great! By the end of the night of our third date, we had been drinking, and he hit me. I fought back and was beaten so badly, I was out of work for an entire week. I was drawn to him; to go back- such a foolish thing to do in anyone’s opinion…. even my own. As the months turned into a year, the physical issues would happen every now and then. I also learned that he did not believe in God. Every day I would ask myself what am I doing here? But I stayed.
Veronica B: Wow Ruby, you’re telling me on the third date you received the warning sign of all warning signs and you stayed? Why?
Ruby: I used to try and make myself believe that I stayed because of the person he was in public. At the time, I had no other reasonable explanation why. My family loved him; my friends thought he was cool. It felt like no one seemed to notice how many times I cancelled plans or isolated myself from people for great lengths of time to hide the abuse. I even had to quit three jobs do to severity of damage to my physical body and the time it took to heal.
Veronica B: How long did you date?
Ruby: Well, we dated for a year; then we moved in together. A few years later we got married.
Veronica B: Did the abuse ever escalated outside of him hitting you?
Ruby: Over the years, I had guns held to my head. He also attempted to drown me off the back of our boat in Kemah once. Yet… I stayed. Veronica, at the time I asked myself the same question….. Why?
Veronica B: You mentioned that you found out early on that he did not believe in God. Did you guys ever fight about your faith and belief in God?
Ruby: Well the fact he did not believe in God came up multiple times; but it was never anything we fought about. He made sure I know where he stood on the subject; and I would never speak up about my faith other than to say I do believe in God. Between the things I was doing with him and the physical abuse I was facing; I remember more than once he said to me; “if there really is a God, he is definitely watching over you.”
Veronica B: Another sign I’m sure you ignored was Control. Did he show signs of control? For example; who you spent time with or what you did throughout the day?
Ruby: For over a three year period the abuse continued. I saw my friends and family less, my attendance to church dwindled, reading my bible daily became minimal; but I never stopped praying. I honestly cannot remember now if I prayed during the most intense of situations, or just fought back for my life; but when I relive in my head some of those moments… there is absolutely no doubt God was with me the entire time. I would repeatedly choose to stay. Eventually, I even married him.
Veronica B: So Ruby, are you telling me after he hit you on the third date; put a gun to your head more than once and even try to drown you from the back of the boat---- you said I DO? Do you have any children together?
Ruby: Yes I did. As for children, when I became pregnant with our first child, something incredible happened. Not only did the abuse stop, but he asked if we would like to find a church. This gave me hope. Sadly, fourteen weeks later we lost our baby. The doctors could not understand how I would lose a child so far along. I expected him to become angry; but he was not and we continue attending church together.
A few months later, I was pregnant again. One day at work I felt an excruciating pain. I was rushed to the hospital. Our second child was ectopic. My tube had ruptured, and I underwent a two-hour surgery. Once again, fairly far along into a pregnancy, our second child went to be with the Lord. Incredibly, a few months later, I was pregnant again. Needless to say, our miracle baby… my child arrived.
Veronica B: Please tell us you never experience abuse again after your child was born?
There had been no violence for a very long time. My child was almost five months old when my worst fear occurred; a sign of violence. Instantly, I asked him to leave the house. I think it shocked him and me equally; but all I could think was… “I have someone beside myself to protect now”.
Asking my husband to leave was devastating for me. I come from generations of families who stayed together. All I ever wanted is the kind of marriage my parents have. I had been fighting for this relationship for so long. That night, I fell to my knees and said “I give up God. Will you please fix this as you see fit?”
Veronica B: Ruby, this interview has brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry you went through all of this! You finally did the right thing…. Let him go! Let me ask you this…. did you have any support while you were being so severely abuse or did you even tell anyone?
Ruby: I had managed to keep secret from my family what I had endured for several years. When I told my parents, it was so painful to see the look on their faces. A few years ago, he apologized to me for all he had done. I forgave him long before he apologized. Our child does not need to never know what our life was like before he was born… which is why I choose to be anonymous when telling my story.
Ruby hope sharing her story helps someone else. Please don’t ignore the signs! Tell someone; and when you can safely… GET OUT! Join us and visit Joyful Heart Foundation for opportunities to raise awareness in your community.
VBMarketing & Media Communications
Publicist, Veronica B.